I'm sitting watching MTV's True Life about some kids who want to lose weight. The boy is eating 400 calories or less a day, not exercising and has locked himself in his apartment. The girl met with a dietitian and isn't happy with her plan because she's only lost 7 lbs in 5 weeks. I just want to scream at them both. My attitude towards weight loss has changed so drastically in the past year. I know that I do have a tendency to be... well, arrogant, when I think I'm doing something the right way. I definitely have a problem with being condescending if someone does something differently than I do... but these people are morons, right?

Not that my little journey is going amazing, but my attitude towards "diet" and food has changed, so I like to think "this will be my year". I don't think I'll ever go back to just not caring, hopefully I can turn attitude into action. Especially before strutting around in my bridesmaid dress for my friend's wedding in April!

Bikini this summer, mayhaps?

John went and got me his mom's treadmill, she's moving and offered to give it to me. It's awesome, because this is Michigan and it's getting cold VERY quickly. So I did W1D1 of the Couch-to-5k a little while ago, and made myself the following playlist:

Warm Up:

-Defying Gravity from Wicked, Kurt's version from Glee.

-Don't Stop Believing, also the Glee version.

Jogging:

-Beat It, Fall Out Boy's cover.

-A Praise Chorus

-Sweetness

-Pain, all by Jimmy Eat World

-Stand Out, from A Goofy Movie. One of my "motivation" songs for everything. I just love it.

-Fighter, by Christina Aguilera.

Cool Down:

-Hey Ya, the acoustic cover by Obediah Parker

Dinner was grilled chicken, carrots, and a three-color cous cous from John's mom. It was yummy. And I feel great. My kitchen got deep-cleaned over three hours on Friday, I had so much energy. The living room is basically clean, just the table, desk, and entertainment center need to be cleared off and that's John's job.

Work tomorrow, blah. Ciao and goodnight!!

The woman I want to be is smart... she gives equal effort in classes that she hates and classes that she loves. She learns not only to just pass the next test, but to retain the things that are important. She does her work and enjoys the process that is learning, rather than sleepwalking through her assignments. She puts her all into them not for a grade, but for the joy of knowledge gained.

The woman I want to be is organized... her house LOOKS like a house, not a frat boy's dorm room. Her pets are loved and well taken care of, her laundry is folded and put away where her dog cannot eat it. Her cupboards are full of healthy foods. Her bills are paid on time, and not as a last-minute phone call because she lost the return envelope.

The woman I want to be is healthy... she makes time to take care of herself every day through running,yoga, strength training, and a million other small things. She eats well, with focus on whole, healthy foods in small portions. She doesn't deny herself, but at the same time she doesn't make a habit of indulging. She is educated about the needs of her body and she tries hard to meet those needs, not for vanity, simply for the benefit of FEELING healthy. To live as long as she can, because life is a beautiful thing that is already far too short.

The woman I want to be is kind... she thinks before she speaks. She realizes that her siblings are growing fast and she makes time for them NOW. She makes an effort to see her friends. She's understanding and supportive. She loves with absolutely everything she has.

The woman I want to be is confidant... she's witty, and fun, and she doesn't second guess herself after every conversation. She's not afraid to go out by herself, because she LIKES herself. She speaks up in class without fretting that she's arrogant, she laughs without fretting that she's too loud, she expresses opinion without fretting that she's foolish.

The woman that I AM can do this, because I am strong and I can adapt. I have survived more than my share of dark times, and I CAN overcome the difficulty of changing my unhealthy lifestyle. I've seen worse, and I'll do whatever it takes so I can see myself at my best.

Just ordered a pair of New Balance running shoes online, yay! Should get them in 4 days.

I kind of had my heart set on the Brooks Addiction's I tried on at Running Fit, but I just don't have the $100 to cough up right now, and I was able to get these online for fairly cheap. I tried a pair on at JCP and they were comfy. So yea. Now I just need an armband and headphones for my iPod and I'll really be all set!

Also bought Smudge a new no-pull harness, so maybe if he can behave I'll take him with me. Just have to find a safe street. It seems like most of the people around this neighborhood just let their dogs in the front yard with no leash. My mom does too, but Kazam and Moose (her aussies) are really well behaved. They will not leave the yard. The uber German Shepherd that lives two blocks over? Yea, tried to eat Smudge. And now Smudge kind of freaks around bigger dogs.

I ate way too much today :(

And now my tummy hurts. Blech. It's my fault for eating poorly this weekend, and I'm paying for it. I feel very "blah" today. I HATE that feeling, and I know my eating habits cause it. I just need to work on the self control I guess. I made sure yesterday to get myself healthy snacks and drinks.

Anyway, I'm excited for my shoes. Yay!!

So here's the deal: I'm lazy, unorganized, and inconsistent.

I'm working on that, but there will almost certainly be times when I disappear. Hopefully not.

Part of being unorganized is the fact that my camera is MIA. I had it for my sister's grad party, and I'm clinging to the belief that it's at my mom's still. But we'll see. So, this won't be much of a food blog unless I decide to continue with the cell phone pics which are less than pretty.

Anyway, things are going... slowly. I have this thing where the bones in my heels haven't grown together properly, so until I get myself some proper heel support my running is on hiatus. Considering I live in Michigan and it's nearly winter this isn't exactly heartbreaking. But John's mom offered me a treadmill she doesn't use, and I'm trying to save for an elliptical. The "diet" has been going alright with some slip ups. I've never really bothered with portion control, so it's a process.

Growing up, I live with my grandma, and she didn't cook. So, literally every night was fast food or a restaurant or some kind of take out. I got homecooked meals at my moms on weekends, but I had 5 young siblings so it was convenience, not health. This is all new for me.

I should go... work tomorrow. I have to get in early, a co-worker is getting back from her honeymoon and two other co-workers and I stayed 2 hours late Friday "jazzing" up her desk. meaning it's covered in post its and everything else on it is wrapped in aluminum and wrapping paper.

I'll have to post a pic of that tomorrow!

Night all!

My "menu" for the week.

Saturday

• Chicken with polenta fries* and artichoke hearts
  

Sunday

• Bridal Shower
  

Monday

• Veggie burgers & salad
  

Tuesday

• Spicy baked chicken, mashed cauliflower, & whatever yummy grain I find
  

Wednesday

• Nachos (John’s request) with turkey meat.
  

Thursday

• Polenta, turkey meat, & pasta sauce concoction lasagna.
  

Friday

• Sierra’s birthday!
  

Lunches will likely be boring... sammies, leftovers, maybe a soup if I remember to grab one, and a salad because I'm sure I'll have some left over on Monday. For breakfast, I plan on picking up either some peanut or almond butter, and some cereal.

*I've never made polenta fries, so I'm pretty excited to try them out.

I have a co-workers bridal shower on Sunday, so I'll be eating there. And Friday my darling little sister Sierra will be turning 13. I can't believe it. After my step-dad Bill (my younger sibling's father) left, my mom worked so I took care of my younger siblings and the house after school every day, so it's my little girl that's gonna be 13! She's not the youngest (Bill's kids with my mom are: Laci - 16, Sierra - 12 [13!], Noah - 11, and Shyann - 10), but we've always been close. She's "cognitively impaired", but she's got the memory of an elephant. We had a conversation when she was maybe 4 about the Titanic, and she remembers every word of it. Gosh.

Anyway, so looking back, I already have:

• Bread
• Frozen Chicken
• Turkey lunch meat
• Broccoli
• artichoke hearts
  

So I need to get:

• Peanut or almond butter
• cereal
• milk
• polenta
• veggie burgers
• salad
• cauliflower
• yummy grains
• tortilla chips
• ground turkey
• nacho fixings
• pasta sauce
• cheese
• fruits for snacking
• yogurt for snacking

Plus whatever John needs for his meals if he decides he doesn't like mine. He gets sick of chicken, but I'm so picky with my red meats that it's really just easier to stick with poultry 95% of the time. I dissect everything as it is, cut it up into tiny bits and remove all traces of fat, veins or things that look like veins, blah blah. I really should go vegetarian, but some things are just too yummy to give up right yet.

Anyway, that's all thus far today! On my way outside for some jump rope, then a quick strength routine with my resistance bands.

I realize that covering 2.5 miles in a half hour is NOT that quick nor should it be that hard... but considering I've been a couch potato for all of my 21 years... whew!

Thinking I might be doing "Week 2" for weeks 2 AND 3. On the plus side, my legs are only a little sore after now and for just a few minutes (that first week I was in pain for at least an hour, and the next day was HELL). And I feel great, both physically and mentally. Or spiritually. Or whatever it would be.

Hiya! Pictures as promised, however, I can't find my camera anywhere! So, I used my phone, hence the crappy quality. My next-younger sister, Nicole -she's my step-sister, hence having the same name, though mine is NicHole... and actually her name is Victoria Nicole.. but anyway- had a graduation party a few weeks ago and I had it then, so it might still be at my moms house. You'll soon find that I am INCREDIBLY disorganized. My phone doesn't take such bad pictures though.

Anyway, I ate some of John's stale sickly sweet cereal for breakfast, because he's eaten all of my oatmeal and we're out of all nut butters and fruit. So, yea. I was surprised to find that even after just two weeks of decent eating, the cereal was really way too sweet for me even with skim milk.



I had a really dull morning at work and kind of web surfed the whole day, so I was surprised that it went by so quickly... I didn't realize how late in the morning it was until my tummy started rumbling. So, I had some Kroger brand Key Lime Lite yogurt at around 11. Yay for cheap.



For lunch I had some yummy turkey on whole wheat with avocado slices (I LOVE avocado!) and broc, but somehow my broc ended up being all stems and one top, so I was a little disappointed. Still yummy though!



After a busy afternoon at work (I do shipping and parts, so I spend my afternoons lugging around and boxing up components for compressed air dryers) I was starving, but I didn't feel like cooking dinner yet so I had a handful of almonds. I bought these raw at a local veggie market and blanched and roasted them myself. Smudge thought they were for him, but he thinks ALL food is for him.



About an hour later I broke down and cooked dinner for myself (John and his friend/Nicole's boyfriend Laine got Taco Bell. I was jealous, but whatever). It's weeks end, so my side-dish stores are running thin.

I threw a tiny bit of olive oil, half a small onion, and some minced garlic into a pot, tossed about 4 oz of chicken in some steak and Cajun seasoning, and threw in some frozen broc (with tops this time!). One dish meal. I originally had some rice with it, but I accidentally overcooked it and ended up with a really messy bowl to clean. So I had two slices of this tiny flax seed bread that was sitting unused. The bread looks HUGE, but it's a small plate.

Had a big glass of skim milk, and there's enough chicken-crud left for lunch tomorrow. Yummy.



I'm on my way to get ready for my Week Two - Day Two of the Couch-to-5k running thing. I need to get some better shoes, but otherwise I'm really starting to like going out running a few times a week. The time alone and the sense of accomplishment is sooooo worth it.

I'd like to get some headphones for my iPod though, Smudge ate both pairs I had :(

I'm thinking Friday or Saturday will be new-shoe day, provided I can afford it. I also have a bridal shower for a co-worker and John missed a day last week (*snarl*), so spending money will be shorter than usual.

I have absolutely nothing to say today, except that my allergies are killing me. So, ciao!!

I know I said I'd get my pictures going today, but I forgot both my phone and my camera, and all but one meal was eaten at work so... yea. Tomorrow. For sure. In the mean time, here's my "85 reasons to lose 85 lbs". Yea, most of them are for vanity, but whatever. I'm a college girl, I'm allowed to be vain.

85 Reasons to lose 85:

• To look cute in a bikini!
  
• To run 3 miles.
  
• So my heels won’t be sore anymore.
  
• Play with Smudge or the kids and not get winded.
  
• To be able to shop without my feet hurting.
  
• To not have to worry about what people think when I’m grocery shopping.
  
• To be able to buy a candy bar or ice cream without pretending it’s for someone else.
  
• To dress like I secretly would like to.
  
• So I don’t have to hate other, skinny girls.
  
• So I’ll never look at someone and think, “I’d kill to have HER body instead.”
  
• So I’ll never have to wonder if people in public are laughing because they noticed me.
  
• To look good in pictures.
  
• To get cute pics done for John.
  
• To feel better naked.
  
• To wear shorts.
  
• So I can buy the cute bras and panties.
  
• To feel better about myself.
  
• To have more energy.
  
• To feel comfortable in a crowd
  
• To get a compliment
  
• To be thought of as “cute”.
  
• Go out dancing and not feel like I’m being laughed at.
  
• To sing karaoke and not worry about how people see me.
  
• Never have to calculate a weight limit in my head EVER again.
  
• Go to a public pool.
  
• Lay out on the beach and be comfortable.
  
• Be more agile.
  
• Never wear a “large” again!
  
• Go clothes shopping with my friends.
  
• No more ‘bigger size, please!’
  
• Be beautiful in my wedding dress.
  
• Not have to worry about looking silly in my clothes.
  
• Be able to take a walk without worrying about what people are thinking.
  
• To wear a skirt.
  
• Play DDR with the girls for more than 3 songs.
  
• To wear a tight dress and look good.
  
• Never be called a “big girl” again. Ever.
  
• To have a healthy baby.
  
• To treat my PCOS.
  
• Wear a tank top and feel okay
  
• To stand next to Laci without wanting to cry.
  
• So I can say out loud what I weigh, without lying.
  
• To be a “success story”.
  
• So I don’t have to make myself believe stupid excuses.
  
• So I can ENJOY my 20s!
  
• So I don’t have to care what people think of me.
  
• So I’ll stop being such a doormat, because I’ll be “worth” sticking up for.
  
• So I don’t have to “suck it in” any more.
  
• To maybe run a marathon.
  
• So I don’t have to worry about my brutally honest grandma saying anything.
  
• To get hit on.
  
• To shave the back of my legs without looking like a contortionist.
  
• To have sex standing up.
  
• To get whistled at… and not as a joke.
  
• To turn heads at my high school reunions.
  
• To get a cute tattoo
  
• To get a belly ring if I decide I want one.
  
• Be able to squeeze by people without knocking shit over.
  
• To take up a sport.
  
• To eat what I want at a restaurant and not feel bad about it.
  
• To eat in front of other people without keeping a tally of exactly what I’ve had in case anyone else is paying attention.
  
• To shop in any store.
  
• No more muffin top.
  
• So I can exercise to be an athlete, NOT just to lose weight.
  
• So I’ll never feel disgusted with myself again.
  
• So I can spend a night being lazy without feeling like a cow for it.
  
• So I never have to make a list like this again!
  
• So I can live to see my great-grandchildren
  
• To protect my heart.
  
• To avoid diabetes.
  
• To look cute in an oversize t-shirt, not like I’m wearing a tent.
  
• So jeans will last longer.
  
• To wear normal jeans, instead of being careful to get regular, not low-rise.
  
• So when someone offers to loan me something to wear, I don’t want to throw up while I have to tell them it would never fit.
  
• To see what I would look like!
  
• So I can buy Lean Cuisine without feeling like I’ll be laughed at.
  
• So I don’t have to worry about my thighs rubbing.
  
• To not feel guilty for finishing a meal.
  
• No more jiggle, anywhere.
  
• To see what my face looks like, thin. I think I’d be pretty.
  
• So John can be really, really proud to have someone as beautiful as me.
  
• To be my goofy self without worrying about being that “weird fat chick”.
  
• To not feel like I’m standing out when people at work talk about being “chubby”.
  
• To flaunt in front of John and not want to cover up.
  
• So that “outside me” matches the healthy, happy, fun, energetic “inside me”!!
  

I never intended to share that with anyone, but hell, why not?

What are your top reasons for getting healthy?

Hi. This is me (with bad hair):



My name is Nikky, I'm a 21 year old part time college student (working full time) in a bitty city in SE Michigan. I live with my boyfriend, John (who looks creepy or strange in all photos, beware!):



We've been together for 5 years (we're high school sweethearts, awww!!). We have one cat, Draco:



Who I think would be Italian and have a pinky ring if he were human. And we have a dog, Smudge:



Who I'm pretty sure would be a NASCAR driver.

Starting tomorrow, because I'm too lazy to dig out my camera today, this will be both a food blog and exercise "diary" as I begin (sort of, I did start jogging and eating healthy about two weeks ago) my journey to a healthier life.

I'll let you know before hand: I am not a vegetarian or a vegan. I went vegetarian for two months and I'm not ready for it. Maybe someday, I'm super picky with meat as it is. I'm also not going to claim to be a "super eater". I'm broke. B-R-O-K-E. John and I live on around $70 a week for groceries, so my food is going to get boring sometimes. I don't always buy organic, soy uber foods. I was one of 5 kids raised by a single mom on $8.00 an hour. I ate crap growing up, and I freaking love it. So yea, every now and then I'm gonna pig out on Kraft mac and cheese, hot dogs, and Burger King.

The key is moderation and movement, I'm trying to get into the habit of both. So, bear with me, join me if you want (I really, honestly do want to hear from you!!), and maybe we won't be perfect, but we can be proud of what we are!